Failure.

I am an absolute failure at everything, and olanzapine is piling on the fucking weight. Grrr.

SCRAPBOOK

I think I'm going to get a scrapbook and start making a big scrapbook of my poetry.
Fuck it.
Why not?

Sad emily today. :(

My head is a mess.
My lct is taking me to camhs today, at 4.
Not leaving until we get medication, she is such a bossy cow. BOOOO!
I don't know what's wrong with me, everybody says i'm poorly, i don't know who i can trust and who i can't anymore.
It is horrible.
I'm trapped in my own mind.
i want it to all just stop please. make it stop.
i've self harmed already today, and i am CERTAINLY not eating today.
i really cannot cope, someone just give me a magic pill and let me fade away

I'm being poisoned by somebody, i have no proof, i don't know what to do. :(

:(

:(

I hate myself * trigger warning*

I hate myself so fucking bad, I ruin my body.
Why on earth do I do this to myself? Again and again :(
poorly poorly poorly em.

Glass,

Just sat with glass, heating is up with a candle, so so SO want to cut.
cut cut cut cut  CUT.

I cannot COPE.

I am going to do something fucking permanent.
Grrr.
Hmmm.
Right now, i want to self harm, so so so so SO fucking badly.
I want to cut up every inch of my body.
Rip it to shreds.

I'm a stupid fuck

I can't do a single thing right, it pisses me of that the time on here is wrong by like 2 hours.
I'm a fucking idiot.
I don't want this anymore can't even do it right. :(
Just want a hug.

I want to die.
Lord have mercy.

I hate myself

I am literally a disgusting fucking freak.
Just look at me, so much food all the time. Fast fast fast fast. I dot even want to count im past caring.
Tomorrow well today I guess, it's 5am damn insomnia, I'm goin to help mel with her work, I MUST do an hour dance on the wii, and I MUST finish assignment 1 tomorrow. That's all. I look grim. 5am no make up, just kill me.

12 hours into my fast.

Fuck me I hate my life.

House inspection today.  I've had to tidy the entre house -_-

Calories burnt though I guess?

Pepsi max nom.

Such a low mood today, really really want to self harm.

But I just need to resist it.

Fight it.

Starve starve fast restrict starve starve.

Hmmmm

Not posted in time!!

Wow, not posted in so long, so much has happened.
My psyciatrist thinks i'm nuts, scitophrenia.
I'm under COMPASS, the alcohol dependency team.
I'm 17 for fuck sake.
That's not normal.
I have voices all the time, such bad bad voices, i hate them.
I constantly want to be dead and my eating is fucked up.
Same old em really.
TOO BIG, MUST EAT LESS.
Fuck, hate my life baaaaad.
:(